In the Beginning

Divorce. No one thinks they are going to be going through one. Ever. Most people tell themselves they won't go through it. I was one of those people. I always told myself I won't get divorced. I'll make it work. Well, I was wrong. 

I got married fast. To a man I barely knew. Yes that was my mistake, but he was this 'amazing' Army Soldier. He was everything I didn't have in the past, the good boy. I always went for the bad boys. He was different. There was no engagement. We woke up on December 9, 2012. Rolled over and said "lets get married". So we did. We went to the courthouse, where the judge called him cheap for not having a ring.

The first year of marriage he was rarely home. He was a Drill Sergeant, working pathetic hours. How could we fight if we weren’t together, well we didn't. I was working full time and he was practically living at work. The normal thing for Drill Sergeants. Year two wasn't bad. The fighting started, but we figured it was stress. There were problems with finances or lack there of, miscommunication, lying, a short separation and well a pregnancy. I was over joyed with the pregnancy; he was scared. While in Alabama, we tried a few separate times to see a marriage counselor. But there was always an excuse on why he couldn't go. I ended up giving up about the fixing the marriage at that point and accepted that’s how it was supposed to be. During all of these 'fun' marriage problems and pregnancy, he got orders to Alaska. 

We packed up and moved across the Country. To Alaska... Talk about wanting to kill each other. Pregnancy, stress, an already semi-broken marriage is stressful enough. Add 3 dogs, a cat and a drive that lasted over a week and a half, in a Jetta. Not ideal if you ask anyone. 

Once in Alaska, he got deployment orders. Add deployment to the mix of chaos. And more tension, lack of communication and more issues arose. I didn't want to be the wife that filed for divorce during deployment, or while pregnant with our child. I wanted to make it work. Well during deployment he got injured. His vehicle drove over an IED and he ended up with Traumatic Brain Injury. Completed the 10 month deployment though and came home with the rest of the brigade.

After a rocky homecoming, awkwardness and just more tension because he felt he was fine when in reality he needed to take his injury more seriously. It was a few months of a lot of fighting, resentment and just an even worse marriage then before. We both did the "lets make it work for our son" deal. Well that didn't work and it was a joke to think we would put our son through the fighting we went though together. 

Soon after, we filed for divorce. Nothing messy, we agreed on everything. He took everything materialist, house, furniture, pots/pans etc. (and I didn't put up a fight). All I wanted was my son. And I got him, full legal and physical custody. With no fight or battle.

I stayed in Alaska in the house, he moved out and eventually when I had the courage I moved. Did I go home? No. I moved to a place I knew no one and had nothing. Where did I choose? Kansas! 

And since then I've been in Kansas.

Starting over. Starting fresh.

I hope this blog will at least provide some inspiration, support or help for people going through this. Starting over it hard, but it’s doable. The first step is just accepting to move on.