Sure, I'm on my health kick once again. You know, join every fitness blog, Facebook page, buy every product on the shelf recommended and go full force.
Well, the fitness obsession might actually stay. It's a huge stress relief and losing 9 1/2 pounds since August isn't bad either. Sure, life kinda helped. You know the raising a son alone, barely eating because of a few reasons. Some of these reasons can include:
1) Forgetting to eat, because every time I go to make my food, my one year old is flipping shit.
2) Not having money to eat (yes I could eat ramen noodles or what not, but hell I'm vegetarian and picky as hell).
3) Just not even wanting to.
But, now that finances are in order, and food is usually in my fridge, if not then I'm just to lazy to drag a pissed off, terrible twos toddler, into a grocery store (Let alone in public).
Anyways, recently I've been thinking about going to school again. I have 52 credits towards my ridiculous goal of getting a dual bachelors in Business and Sociology. Lets just say wishful thinking. So I get all excited, pepped up and research classes, costs etc.
Then I wake up the next day, 4:30 am. Start my day. Deal with my psycho, hyped up dog. Feed my crying cat who is all up in my face until she gets what she wants and gives me her attitude until she gets it. Once 5am comes, I am finally getting my coffee and becoming human. Shower, get ready, etc. By 6:30 my son is awake, usually screaming, crying and throwing himself on the floor until he gets juice. (Recently he has been throwing himself into the fridge and dangling himself from the handle). Leave the house by 7am. Etc. Head to work. Deal with that excitement. And then repeat the morning but at night. A few tantrums, trying to make dinner. And getting my son to bed by 7:30. Every night.
(This would be a good day, usually it's barely get out of bed at 6:30. Be lucky to get old coffee reheated, and brush my teeth, throw hair in bun and get kid all cute).
After my ridiculous days, I think. When the hell would I get time to even go to school. My life as usual revolves around someone else. Sure, before I was a mom I was an Army Wife. And no it didn't define me, but it sure as hell decided where I would be, and how long I'd be there. Now, my focus is my son. As much as I would love to go back to school, I think to myself.... How?! How the heck am I going to make time for it, dedicate myself to it. I barely stay awake past 9pm now.
Sure, this might seem like a rant post. But it's not. It's that being a single mom isn't about yourself. It's about your child, and the person you want them to become. I think, if I added another thing to my list, I would get frustrated.
Tonight, instead of reading, showering or doing something for myself. I sat with my hysterical son, coughing so much, to the point of throwing up. Reminding myself, that he is my life. The reason I want to be around. The reason I started working out so hard and pushing myself more so than yesterday.
My 25 pound, semi-healthy son. He is my world. He is worth putting my life on hold for. Sure things will eventually settle down, and I will put myself first. But right now, he is my focus. And that's okay. I don't want to be juggling life and more. I want to be able to watch him grow up. And I want to be able to put stuff aside to rock him to sleep, even though he can't stand the snuggles.
Is it the life I envisioned for myself. No...
But I wouldn't change it for the world. And I don't mind putting my life on hold in order to not miss my sons. Every day he is changing, growing and becoming a little bit older, wiser and more independent. In the blink of an eye, he won't be what he was yesterday.
No comments:
Post a Comment