Making the Best of It

Sure, divorce sucks.. Who am I kidding.. Divorce Fucking sucks.. Theres no sugar coating it, or saying it was easy. Because its not. Divorce Sucks. Got it? Get it? Now Move on.

There is so much you can dwell about divorce. But there is so much more to be happy about. Thankful even.

My marriage wasn't the greatest. It was more convenience than happiness, and more of settling than love. But I don't regret it. Not yesterday. Not now. Not even tomorrow or the days to come. Yes, even though it ended in divorce. I wouldn't do it over.

Why you ask?

Well..

Had I not gotten married behind my parents back December 9, 2009. (They received a text message that I got married. To someone they never even met, let alone even knew I was dating). I probably would still be an excessive partier, working two worthless jobs. Yes two worthless jobs, one at 7:30am at a old folks home making breakfast for people who screamed if the eggs weren't perfectly round or didn't look the same as yesterday. And one pretty awesome job, yet worthless at a bar. Didn't get off work until 3am. After work, I hung out, drank and did it over again.

Before getting married, I was chaos. I had no clue what I wanted in life (yes, I still don't know, but I have a whole lot more passion, motivation and hell even some sort of direction). I was dating the same people over and over again getting nowhere. Hurting people because I didn't know what the hell I wanted. Broke the same guys heart a dozen or so times because I was just so young, dumb and confused.

Marriage changed me. It took 3 years. In those three years I went through more than I did my entire life. Three years that not only made me find who I really was, but made me grow up. In those three years, I lived the best years of my life. And the worst.

Three years. So much can happen. Heres a quick summary. Almost set our kitchen on fire. Hit rock bottom (and yes, want to kill myself rock bottom), a whole lot of therapy.. (lots of it and I am not ashamed of it), about 3 different times we separated, a move across country from Alabama to Alaska, then 2 more moves in Alaska, pregnancy, deployment, injuries during deployment including TBI, a dog that was killed and finally.... Divorce. And yet another two moves.

Why don't I regret it since there was so much negative life events. Because it made me who I am today. Strong.

I don't dwell about it. I most definitely don't regret it.

During the three years as an "Army Wife". I became independent. I learned not to rely on others to get something done. I learned that if I wanted something, I needed to figure out a way to do it. Being an Army wife, gave me amazing opportunities. How many people can travel the US and live in amazing locations like Alaska and not have to worry about finding a job there?

Why don't I regret divorce?

Because I have so much to be thankful for and so many people who I would of never met otherwise.

The friends I met during those three years, are now considered my family. They lost the word friend quickly and became sisters. They got my through the hardest times of my life, and the best times of my life. These girls not only helped me grow as a person, they helped raise my son. If you were to ask my son who raised him, he'd easily have 7 motherly figures to thank.

There is no way I could regret the reason that I made these friends, or the reason that I have a son to raise. Sure I'm doing it 'alone', but I'm really not. I am thankful for everything I have gone through in order to be where I am today.

If I didn't get married. I wouldn't be strong, independent, passionate, motivated and courageous. I wouldn't have the desire to try new things, and push myself harder and towards new goals.

If I didn't get married, I wouldn't of gotten divorced. And then I wouldn't be me. And I can finally say, I am so happy with who I am today. I thank my ex-husband for forcing me (unknowingly of course) that I am strong and I can do whatever I put my mind to. I don't need anyone to be happy. Because I am happier than ever, and in the best place of my life.

You just got to make the best of what life throws your way. Move forward. And move on. You determine your happiness.